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Belmont
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460 Concord Avenue
Belmont,
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02478
617-484-1215
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Question:
I just recently started dating my girlfriend about a 4 months ago. A
couple weeks ago she told me about the first kid she had a sexual
relationship with. at the time she was 15 years old (about two years ago),
the kid was 19
years old. the kid happened to be her best friends older brother. the
story i was told was that he asked her to take a ride with her. she got in
and eventually they stopped somewhere. he had made a move on her and they
proceded to hook up. after a few minutes he asked her to have sex with
her. she immediately replied with "no". again he asked her to have sex.
again the reply was no. repetively a third time again, the answer was no.
after the
third time came an i dunno. which was repeated a fifth and sixth time.
until it became an i guess so. they proceeded to have sex. I have been
through student police academies with my local police department, state
police department, and have taken a criminal justice class. I am under the
understanding that this is a general rape. Regardless this is a statutory
rape but wasnt sure if this is regular rape. besides the fact, she is
exhibiting a rape victims post effects. i am just looking for help or a
place to start in order to aid her. I understand that this will most
likely not stand a chance in court being about 2 years old, but there has
to be something that can be done. Please help
Answer
The first thing to do to help your girlfriend is to make sure that you are
offering her your help, not telling her what to do. She needs to be
supported in figuring out the proper course of action she must choose to
cope with what has happened to her.
Whether what happened to her was rape or not is not as important as how it
is affecting her now. Your e-mail suggests that she is suffering from the
experience. You may suggest to her that she contact a rape crisis center
to discuss what happened with a counselor. If your girlfriend is not ready
to call what happened to her rape she may resist calling a rape crisis
center,
so you may recommend that she seek some sort of counseling to help her
deal with the difficulties in her life now. If the incident two years ago
is responsible for how your girlfriend feels now a counselor may help her
realize this.
If your girlfriend does wish to speak to a counselor at a rape crisis
center, you can seek one on the internet or the yellow pages or by calling
a local hospital. If she lives in the Boston, Massachusetts area, she
could contact the Boston area Rape Crisis Center (on the web at:
http://www.barcc.org/ ). In fact, she might be able to contact that
organization for a referral to a center closer to where she lives. The
BARCC website provides some advice for rape survivors and their family and
friends starting at:
http://www.barcc.org/survivingrape.html. I recommend that you go to
that website to learn things that could benefit her and you.
I am not in a position to judge whether your girlfriend was the victim of
a rape. (Keep in mind that your probably are not either.) If she chooses
to report the incident to the police an investigation would be conducted
into what had happened and whether it could be prosecuted as rape (whether
"forcible" or "statutory"). It is true that some incidents of rape (or
robbery or burglary or drunk driving) are easier to prosecute than others.
Whether to file a criminal charge would be the decision the prosecuting
attorney would make based on the police investigation and the attorney's
professional judgment of the likelihood of getting a conviction. Again, a
counselor at a crisis center could help your girlfriend get a grasp of
what she could expect, and what would be expected of her, if she reported
the crime.
The support of people like you in your girlfriend's life will be important
to her surviving her experience.
Lt. Peter Hoerr
Belmont Police Department
Belmont, Massachusetts
617-484-1215 ext. 121
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